


The Baltimore Stone

by jeni_andtheafterthought



Series: Exactly What I Want [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Auror Harry Potter, Blow Jobs, M/M, Oblivious!Harry, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry, POV Pansy Parkinson, Pining, So much angst I'm so sorry, Unspeakable Draco Malfoy, Unspeakable Pansy Parkinson, american magic, bisexual!harry, bisexuality referenced, heartbroken!draco, linny mention, lipstick kink, memory swap...kind of, original magical artifact, original magical system, pansy swears a lot, referenced first time, see notes for potential cw/tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-11-28 22:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11427834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeni_andtheafterthought/pseuds/jeni_andtheafterthought
Summary: Draco finally asked for a kiss.  Harry finally gave him one.  This should be the beginning of something wonderful.  It isn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Deep breath, y'all.  
> my story, not my characters  
> bonus points if you figure out which "stupid American wizard" created the Baltimore Stone.  
> **cw/tw: it has been brought to my attention that Draco’s behavior may read as self-harm, though the harm is not physical

Harry kissed Draco's cheeks, one after the other. He waited for Draco to say something, to ask for the kiss that Harry so desperately wanted to give or at least give him any indication that his earlier request still stood. Harry looked up into his pale grey eyes hoping for something, anything. He hated when Draco shut him out like this. Harry always moved at Draco's pace. He gave him everything he wanted, indulged every whim, and never asked Draco for anything he hadn't already freely offered.

_He's already asked me to kiss him. He also said 'forget the kiss.' He's letting me kiss him now. He'd stop me if he wanted to._ Harry's mind was running circles. He was hardly able to take his mind off this very moment all night. It's what he's wanted for hours. Harry uselessly begged Draco to ask for a kiss earlier while they made love. _He asked once already. That's going to have to be enough._

Harry, accepting that Draco wouldn't be the one to close the distance between them, leaned forward and gave himself over. Just a simple meeting of lips had Harry overwhelmed. Before he could stop himself, he moaned against Draco's mouth. Equal parts desire and relief warred inside him. Harry wanted this. From their first night together to this moment, it had hurt to be denied this basic expression of intimacy.

_Please, kiss me back. Hold me. Anything._ Harry thought. Even now, Draco was frozen in place. _Give up, Harry. He obviously doesn't want you like this. Just stop. Say sorry or something._

Harry stopped kissing Draco though he didn't back away. Harry didn't open his eyes when he started to piece together an apology, "Draco? Hey..."

Harry's next words never came. Draco's hands were around his bare shoulders, pulling him into exactly the kind of kiss he needed. Harry wasn't even embarrassed at the sounds this kiss was dragging from him. He was intoxicated by the taste of Draco's lips, he pulled Draco's lip into his mouth to run his tongue over it, to feel the heat of Draco's mouth. Harry pushed his hand into Draco's soft hair and traced over his cheek with his other hand. He almost needed to convince himself this was finally happening. He wanted to memorize the soft curve of Draco's lips, Draco's breath against his skin, his tongue pressed against his own.

When Harry pulled away, his heart sank. Draco looked like he was ready to cry or be sick. Harry wasn't quite sure which. Even though he'd been naked while Draco was clothed, it wasn't until this very second he started to feel truly exposed.

Harry's smile faded. He asked, "Is this not what you meant when you asked?"

"What?"

"Is this not what you wanted?" Harry asked.

Draco stepped back, pausing only to brush a finger over Harry's lips. With no feeling at all, Draco said, "It's exactly what I want." With that, Draco was out the door.

Harry panicked. He couldn't chase after him with no clothes on. He wasn't trying to spend the night in a muggle jail. As quickly as he could manage, Harry threw on jeans and a jumper and shoved on the Converse sneakers he found under the table near the front door.

Harry ran down the stairs to Draco's flat. He knocked and waited. When there was no answer, he went inside. "The door was open," he called into the flat. Harry walked through the flat realizing Draco either hadn't come back or only came back to leave again.

Deciding against waiting in Draco's flat like a creep, Harry went back upstairs. He called Draco's mobile and got nothing but the hazy crackle that happened when there was too much magical interference. It was unlikely that Draco would have gone to the ministry. _Maybe the Manor?_ Harry guessed but knew it would be one of his least intelligent ideas to show up there just past midnight if Draco was there avoiding him. So he did the only thing he knew to do. He drank tea.

* * *

 

The cup of tea he made lead to a pot of coffee. That pot of coffee turned him into a wreck of nerves and half-sleep. Hours passed and Draco still wasn't answering his phone. Harry tried to sleep but his bed still smelled like Draco. He sent Draco another text and decided to shower and try to start his Saturday at the ungodly hour of six in the morning. 

Harry stood under the hot stream of water for longer than necessary. He touched his lips thinking of what Draco said before he walked out. Draco said 'it's exactly what I want.' _Then what did I do wrong? I must have messed up some how._

"What the fuck did I do wrong? It felt perfect until..." _until you started talking to him when you thought he was asleep._ "Oh, fuck." That's when Draco got out of bed, when he left. Before the weight of this new revelation could sink in, Harry's phone chirped.

Harry shut off the water and ran to check his text. He tried not to feel disappointed that it was from Ginny.

(you home/awake?? omw)

(don't worry. not staying. just have smth for you)

((I'm up. See you soon.))

(good)

Harry toweled the water out of his hair the best he could before pulling on the jeans he wore the night before and a t-shirt he assumed was clean. Ginny was knocking on his door as he poured a cup from his second pot of coffee.

"Hey, Gin," Harry said, opening the door.

"Harry, hi, I came to...oh Merlin are you okay?" Ginny asked.

"Er, fine. I don't guess I slept."

Ginny looked around, spotting the shirt Draco dropped in the floor, "Is that the shirt Draco likes? I take it your date went well," she said with a grin.

"Not exactly."

"That's not how it looks from here," Ginny said. Her eyes darted to Harry's bedroom door.

"We never made it out. I was on my way to ask him but he was already here and he wasn't even wearing shoes. I don't know, I guess I panicked and just asked him to come in and once again, sex with no date. Then he left on a weird note," Harry realized he was rambling, "Sorry, good morning, how are you?"

Ginny smiled, "Too perfect to feel guilty for being this happy while you're such a love sick puppy. I have an invitation to give you and wanted to be around when you opened it." Ginny pulled a small pink envelope from her pocket. It was followed by a handful of confetti hearts that were charmed to follow the paper.

Harry pulled open the envelope and read the card inside, "You are invited to celebrate the engagement of Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley? Are you serious? Ginny I'm so happy for you!"

Ginny had turned a cute shade of pink and the confetti hearts were now floating about like bubbles. "Yes! And she didn't get me a ring. I don't even remember telling her that I didn't want one. She proposed with a flower crown." Ginny's smile was the brightest thing Harry had seen in ages. She had stars in her eyes and as she told him about Luna's proposal and the flowers getting stuck in her hair and the old man at the park that gave them free ice cream, he just laughed.

"Ginny, I'm so happy for you. If I knew I'd see you smile like this less than two years later, breaking up would have been much easier," Harry joked.

Ginny laughed, "No kidding. But you'll come? I'm not exactly sure what you do at an engagement party or if this will even be a traditional one, but Luna wanted it so..."

"Take a breath, sweetie. Of course I'll be there, for both of you. Congratulations. You deserve to be happy. You deserve this," Harry said. Neither of them heard the front door of Harry's flat open. Harry pulled Ginny into a tight hug, kissed her on top of her head. "I love you."

That's when he heard a sharp intake of breath. Harry looked up. Draco stood there in the doorway, his eyes rimmed in red, and looking ready to burn the world to the ground. Harry knew this did not look good. He never talked to Draco about Ginny, or any of his friends really. Now, they were standing in front of him, arms around each other and surrounded by pink and red confetti hearts. Draco just watched as Harry kissed his ex-girlfriend's hair. _Does Draco ever tell Pansy he loves her? Does he love Pansy?_ Harry doubted Draco was this affectionate with any of his friends.

"Draco," Harry started.

Draco shook his head, took a step back and disapparated.

"Are you going to be okay? You look like the world just ended." Ginny asked.

"Yeah, probably. Look, Gin, I know you were just stopping by. I will see you later," Harry said.

"Okay. I'm headed to Ron's next. If you need anything, I'll come right back."

Harry laughed weakly, "You've got nicer things to focus on than my bad luck and my non-relationship."

"Alright, well. He's invited too if he'll ever start treating you like more than a fuck buddy," Ginny said.

Harry cringed at this, "You really think that's what he's doing?"

"Maybe I'll take it back if you can get him to go on a single date with you. Or if he'll come out for drinks with us. You could go do whatever it is that his friends do. I keep rooting for you two, but the look on your face a minute ago, is it worth it?" Ginny asked. "It's been months and you're still worried if he even likes you? Do you ever talk?"

"Yeah."

"I mean 'communicate'. Like, when was the last time you really told him what you wanted?" she asked.

Harry looked away.

"You're allowed to want things. You're allowed to want him. And if anyone is exempt from the hero-worship shit, it's Malfoy. So if you're worried he'll be like the last guy, don't be," she said. "Harry, you don't have to know what you want out of the rest of your life. You don't have to have a plan for your entire future, but you need to figure out how you feel about him and tell him. It's harder to stand here and worry. At least if you talk to him, the snitch is in the air, no more guess work."

Before Harry could answer, there was a pounding at his door.

"What the fuck did you do to him?! You stupid selfish git, open this fucking door!"

Harry opened his door to see Pansy Parkinson standing in the hallway visibly shaking with her wand drawn.

"You're a damned curse," Pansy spat. Her voice was full of venom and her black eyes stared daggers at Harry. "If I can't find him in time, I want you to know it's your bloody fault. You have been nothing but a fucking plague on him as long as he's known you."

Ginny was at Harry's side in a second. "Bitch, you need to pipe the fuck down. What makes you think you can just storm in here like you have any right to..."

Pansy held a hand to Ginny's face, "I'd love to tear into you later, but right now you are inconsequential and you," she said turning to Harry, "are either going to help me find him before he fucks his whole world up or you are going to start praying to every god you've ever heard of and hope they can save you."

The anger that flared inside Harry when she spoke to Ginny died just as quickly, replaced by an icy dread. "Draco's in trouble?"

"Trouble? Trouble earns you a goddamned detention. He just stole a Baltimore Stone," Pansy said. "I just spent the last few hours convincing him that it was impossible to Obliviate all memories of you without risk of earning him a room next to Lockhart for the rest of his life. I talked him into coming back to talk to you and less than 5 minutes later, he's stolen a fucking Baltimore."

"Oh, no," whispered Ginny.

"What's a Baltimore Stone?" Harry asked, knowing that if it could stop Ginny's anger, it was serious.

"It's practically a brain scrambler, is what it is. A stupid American wizard created the bloody Stone with the ability to target and eliminate love. The only side effect in that wizard's case was that it drove him bat-shit crazy and when he wasn't writing bad poetry he was seeing phantoms, drinking too much, and ending up dead in a gutter."

"Are you sure he has one? Where would he even get it?" Ginny asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. I had one. He set off every ward at my estate when he left with it," Pansy said.

"Why did you..." Harry started.

"As an Unspeakable, I'd like to remind you that if anyone knew I told you this much, I could lose my job and a significant portion of my recent memories. Don't worry about the whys and wherefores and just help me fix this," she said. For the briefest moment, her rage slipped away. She was terrified.

"How? I don't know where he is," Harry said.

"He'd be somewhere important. Where was your first date? First kiss? Where were you when he told you he..." she hesitated, "Just, somewhere with some emotional significance."

Harry really didn't want to explain to Pansy that he and Draco had never had a date and that their first kiss was right where they stood only a few hours ago. "We're not really the type to snuggle and share feelings. I don't know."

"You disgust me," Pansy's anger was back. "Let's narrow this down, quickly. We probably don't have a lot of time. Luckily, American magic requires a lot of ritual. Fortunately for us, that narrows it down a bit. Where have you two been that is isolated or where he wouldn't be interrupted, likely somewhere with old magic and sentimental value to him or both of you?"

"You've already used a finding spell? Does he not have a trace on him from the Ministry?" Harry asked.

"Yes, I used a damned finding spell. He's somewhere Hidden. Magically hidden. Are you telling me that you can't think of a single place, hidden by magic, where he would have space to himself to do a ritual that would have any emotional significance to him? Is he such an object to you that you don't notice his feelings at all?" Pansy demanded.

"What feelings?! You keep shouting at me like I have any idea where he is. As far as I know, he doesn't feel a thing for me," Harry said, "and if he's trying to do a ritual to keep himself from falling in love with me, he wants it to stay that way."

Pansy shook her head and turned away from Harry.

"Harry," Ginny said, "that's not how Baltimore Stones work. It doesn't prevent love. The stone pulls out a piece of you. The piece that loves. It's volitile magic but some wizards believe it's easier to remove the capacity for love than it is to suffer heartbreak like losing a partner or child. No one has ever used one without becoming a shell of a person. We really can't live without love in some form."

Pansy turned back to face them, "He is so miserable that he's willing to rip out a piece of himself to make it stop. It's _you_ who isn't good enough for _him_. Would it have killed you to spend time with him? Or to stop by his office on your lunch break? Go down to his flat before he comes up to yours begging for attention like a puppy?"

"Grimmauld," Harry said.

"The fuck kind of answer is that?"

"It's where we were the only time we slept together."

Pansy scoffed and raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Literally. The only time I woke up with him the next morning." _At least, it was important to me; it when I was sure about..._ He reached for his wand on the table. As he apparated, he felt Pansy's hand clamp down on his wrist.

* * *

 

Standing inside the entryway of Grimmauld Place, Harry and Pansy were both shaky and nauseated. "You could have splinched us."

"This place is Hidden. How else was I supposed to follow?" Pansy headed into the house shouting for Draco.

That's when they noticed the magic. It didn't feel right. The magic was too thick, like the air in a sauna. This wasn't warm steam; this was freezing. It reminded Harry of the dementors. He ran toward his bedroom. Draco would be there.

He and Pansy were outside the locked bedroom door. The magic here was difficult to breath through. Harry's skin was prickled with gooseflesh. Pansy was shivering.

"Draco, baby, please open the door," Pansy begged.

Harry raised his wand.

"NO!" Pansy swatted his wand away from the doorknob. "It's American magic. It's too volatile. You could speed it up or kill us all if you introduce outside elements." She pounded on the door again, begging Draco to open up. "Draco, there are other ways to forget this fool. Please, stop this. He's not worth losing who you are."

Harry looked around for something to get the door open. He noticed the icy fog of magic seemed to be pulling itself into the room with Draco. Watching it pull closer felt too much like watching sand run out of an hourglass. Pansy noticed this, too.

The color drained from her already pale face, "We are running out of time! We have to get Draco out now, away from the Stone. I don't have time to explain proximity magic, but believe when I say we have maybe two minutes to get him out."

"She's right," Harry said, "Just stop and I'll go away. Is this about what I said this morning? I thought you were asleep. I didn't mean to hurt you or upset you. You'll never see me again. I'll move out of the flat. I'll transfer to a different auror team based somewhere else. Draco, I can be gone." The closer the magic pressed, the colder he felt. His muscles were starting to feel tight.

Pansy, with her arms wrapped around herself, was now shaking violently. "What in Merlin's name did you say to him? Just break down the goddamned door. He is going to die. Maybe not physically, but the Draco we know will be gone if you don't fix this." For the first time since they arrived, they heard Draco inside the room. It sounded like he was sobbing. "You damned fool," Pansy said to Harry through chattering teeth. "Save him."

The magic was pressed in tightly enough that it was starting to look more like white smoke than grey fog. It ended only a meter or so outside the door and was closing in fast. Harry was getting desperate, "Draco, just tell me what you want, I'll do it. Just stop. This is the last thing I'll ever ask of you. Please, get away from the Stone. I'll never bother you again." Harry had started banging on the door with his fist. It was a solid, heavy door. There would be no kicking it in. He would have to break the knob.

A sudden wave of nausea washed over him as the magic pushed past him. The air felt too hot against his skin. He heard Pansy getting sick behind him.

"That's not what..." she shrieked, choking to take a breath. "He loves you! Save him!"

Harry grabbed a heavy-looking vase from a table in the hall. He raised it and brought the weight of it down on the door knob. His aim was slightly off. The knob hadn't broken, but two of his fingers on his left hand had snapped against the door frame. Gritting his teeth through the pain, he hit the knob once. Twice.

Pansy fell to her knees, screaming, "Draco!" as her voice cracked and tears streamed down her face.

Once again, Harry raised the vase above his head and brought it down one final time breaking the knob and ripping the skin on his knuckles in one go. He stepped back and with one sharp kick, knocked the door open. Pain shot up his leg, the sneakers he wore unable to protect him from such force.

In front of him, Draco stood in the middle of a ring of black feathers, likely crow or raven. The smoke cloud pulled inside the ring in a crackle of energy.

"We're too late! Harry Potter, you did this!" Pansy shouted behind him.

"Draco!" _No. I don't accept this._ Harry ran forward, crossing into the frozen core of the circle ignoring Pansy's assertions that he'd just make it worse. Draco stood wide-eyed, his tears frozen on his cheeks. Harry grabbed the Baltimore Stone from where it floated in the air between them, his battered hand closed over the glassy stone. It was so cold, it felt like it holding red-hot iron. With his other hand, he shoved Draco back, hoping Draco stumbled outside the ring of feathers, outside the magic. As hard as he could manage, Harry threw the stone to his feet. It shattered like ice, and with it, the magic expanded like a bomb. Both he and Draco were thrown back by the wild force of an incomplete ritual.

His head hit the wall with a sharp crack; it hurt almost bad enough to distract from the stabbing pain that coursed through his entire body. Unable to speak, he fought to remain conscious but was quickly failing.

_I think I stopped it. It didn't get me. I still love Draco Malfoy. Merlin, please tell me I got to him in time. Please, tell me I stopped him._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Pansy would do anything for Draco, he always seems to test her limits. And her patience. 
> 
> ((A bit of back story, and a new point of view.))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to avoid a data-dump; this was the best compromise I was able to manage. It's a bit all over the place. I hope you like it or at least bear with me.

**Six Months Ago**

  
Pansy sat in the tea room in the Department of Mysteries trying her best to keep her face supportive, or at least neutral. Draco hadn't listened to her when she told him not to take the crystal potion vials home for testing. Naturally, they had exploded.

"You do realize we work in the Department of Experimental Magic? Experimental? As in, you can not just use these things the way they are intended to be used? They have to be tested, replicated, tested, deconstructed, tested...you get the idea. Yes?" Pansy said, sitting her teacup on the table.

"That's what I was doing. Testing. I was testing the reactivity. I thought a basic sleeping draught was about as nonreactive as I could get my hands on in my own home. I only filled one to see if it would self-replenish once I poured it out. Something went wrong," Draco explained.

"Did it?" Pansy asked.

"Only once I stoppered the vial. It overfilled almost immediately and that's when it exploded," he said.

"Okay, when you said you needed my help, I assumed you actually, oh I don't know...needed my help. It sounds like you can just fill out a 'Damaged During Testing' and go on with the rest of the testing here in the labs. You wouldn't even have to go to the department head for that," Pansy said. She loved being involved in practically everything, but this was a bit too routine to be considered _everything_.

"So, skip the foreplay, then?" Draco asked.

"What would you know about that?" Pansy asked, allowing herself a slight grin.

Draco shifted in his seat at the seat, "As I was saying. I had gloves on, but I put a sleeping potion in a crystal vial. Which exploded."

Pansy's eyes widened as she realized what this meant, "You were probably cut to pieces! Oh! Directly into your bloodstream? How long were you out? What..."

"Oh, now you're interested," Draco snapped.

"Sorry, baby-doll. Finish your story," Pansy said.

"Well, princess, I was fortunate enough that my neighbor was walking past my door at the time and," Draco started.

"Your neighbor? You were at that flat?" Pansy asked.

"One day I'll mix Spello-tape adhesive into your lipstick. I swear it. Yes, I was in that flat. My neighbor, don't worry, he's a wizard, was on his way up the stairs and I shouted to him," Draco said.

"Finally getting nearer to the point," Pansy said. 

Draco threw a sugar cube at her. "He came in and, since those vials came in with the American artifacts, I had to ask him to help me get out of the mess without wands." 

"You asked your neighbor to, what, strip you?" Pansy asked. Her smile was all teeth and scandal. "Tell me you at least got his name and contact info. Does he use a mobile? Floo?"

"After he got my shirt off me and I got the gloves off, he said 'if you ever need help getting out of your clothes again, you know where to find me'." Draco said while ignoring most of her questions. Pansy couldn't help but notice the blush creeping across Draco's face.

"And then?" Pansy said, pushing her teacup away.

"That's it," Draco said. 

"Okay, a hot wizard got you undressed, now what? You're asking me to help you plan the wedding?" Pansy was used to Draco overreacting every time an attractive man looked his way. At least this time it wasn't a _specific_ attractive man.

"I was thinking about, I don't know, maybe..." Draco trailed off.

"You want to get him in bed and want me to give you permission?" Pansy asked. "What's wrong with him? Was I wrong to assume he's hot? Is he old? Poor? Oh, hags and harpies, don't tell me he's married."

"There's nothing wrong with him. We've been on casual and friendly speaking terms for several months. He's just not long-term material," Draco said. "He'd never want to stay with me."

"Put into very precise words what the problem is," said Pansy. She reached out and pushed his hair out of his face and insisted on eye contact. "Why are you talking to me about this right now?"

"I..." he hesitated, "I want him. I know a relationship isn't possible, but I would hate myself if I didn't, you know."  
Pansy gave herself a second to compose herself. She knew if she pushed too hard, Draco would shut down. "Very. Precise. Words."

"Purebloods had 'wait until marriage' drilled into our heads for so long. I know that having sex with my hot neighbor isn't bad. It still feels like it's giving up too much to someone that I can't keep," Draco said. 

"So do you want my permission or my blessing? No one is going to judge you, but if it's a fear of giving up too much, then just draw a line somewhere. Pick something that you won't do with anyone but The One, you know? It's working just fine for me," Pansy said. Of course, she had long ago decided love and marriage were rubbish, but if the Gringott's vaults were lovely enough... "So is that all you needed? A pep talk? If so, you know that's the best I've got."

"Why do you have to be such a stereotype to your gender, you lovesick princess?" Draco said, sarcasm practically dripping from every word. "Will you, as my most morally incorruptible goddess of reliability..." he paused, likely for dramatic effect, but also allowing Pansy to laugh until her side hurt and tears flooded her eyes. "If this goes as badly as I hope it won't, will you Obliviate me?"

"Fine." Pansy said immediately. She dabbed the corners of her eyes with a napkin, taking care to mind the eyeliner.

"That's it?" he asked. He looked right shocked.

"As long as I can do it safely. I also reserve the right to discuss all other options depending on the severity of the situation provided you will consider any alternative we may reach. And I refuse to do anything further back than six months. My precision gets a bit shaky past that," she said. Pansy knew she could talk her way out of this, even if he made her promise. If Draco could move on after... _him_ , then he could move on past anyone.

"Deal," he said.

"Now, reassure me, baby-doll," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "Tell me he has neither dark hair nor green eyes," Pansy desperately hoped they'd both be laughing at her joke in a few seconds.

"You know I have a type, princess," he said with only a hint of a smile.  
Pansy tried very hard to ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach.

 

* * *

 

 

**Last Night**

  
Pansy still had almost an hour to kill before the Midnight Masquerade her favorite club hosted each month. She would tell everyone her costume was thrown together last minute, but the truth was, the lipstick alone was a limited edition red with Occamy eggshell dust and liquid gold mixed into the pigment. After a few months stuck on shit-missions to multiple locations in the United States, she really needed to get the feel of America off her skin. 

Scaring the nine hells out of her, Draco shoved into the room, "Six months. You said you would Obliviate six months." His eyes were glassy and what the fuck was he wearing? 

"Baby-doll, why are you standing in Parkinson Manor looking like you've survived three murder attempts?" she asked.

"Pansy," and it was _Pansy_ not _princess_ , she noticed, "please. I need to get rid of this," Draco begged. His voice thick with tears.

She was always _princess_ when he was _baby-doll,_ but not this time. This was not looking good. "What the fuck happened to you?"

"I'm so stupid. I knew I loved him. I knew I couldn't just play pretend and get it all out of my system. He doesn't care about me. I should have stopped before the first time," Draco's tears started to fall.

Pansy could just stand there in denial. She knew damned well where this was going and fought it every step of the way.

"I asked him to come by the office for lunch, but he always said he couldn't. Then I said I'd settle for him coming by the room the Unspeakables turned into a tea room. He couldn't even do that. And he never asked to come back to mine. It's like he always expected me to come to him. He made me ask for everything. He never did anything to me unless I asked. He didn't even want to kiss me. Even after I asked him to, he looked at me like I asked him to help me raise a Horntail in a tree house."

Pansy felt the familiar sinking feeling of hatred only one single person could inflict upon her. "Please, no," she whispered. 

Draco was practically shouting at this point and didn't hear her. "I'll never be anything other than just the Slytherin, the Death Eater, the big secret. Even flirting with me was probably a joke. I fell for it though. I wanted to. I know I said we would talk about alternatives, but I need you to Obliviate the last six months. I don't think I can give up and walk away again. Not after everything. Especially not after tonight."

"Shut up!" Pansy shouted.

Draco stopped talking. He looked at her as though she had punched him.

"Draco Malfoy, in very precise words, tell me your neighbor is not Harry fucking Potter," Pansy demanded.

Draco didn't answer.

"Why would you think you could hide this from me? Did you seriously think I wouldn't find out? I think I've known this whole goddamned time. Draco, how could you be so fucking stupid? I doubt anyone could take a single memory of him from you without breaking you. He's so wound into your stupid mind that the rest of your memories would miss it like you'd miss your damned wand-hand. I can't fix this for you. No one can fix this for you."

"You know I love it when you swear," Draco's sarcastic remark fell flat in his misery.

"Yes, and right now I don't give a shit what you like. You seem to like walking into situations that are going to hurt you. It took you years to stop waiting for him to look in your bloody direction. Do you really think the Golden Boy is going just overlook the fucking decade of fighting? How can you just keep forgetting how much you hate his stupid arse. He almost killed you! He has done nothing but look down his fucking nose at you since the two of you met. He certainly won't forget how we treated any of his friends. Speaking of friends, Crabbe is dead because of him!"

"Crabbe is dead because of Crabbe. I would be dead because of Crabbe if Harry hadn't come back for me. He could have left me but didn't," Draco said. He still stood near the doorway with his arms wrapped around himself.

Pansy's skin crawled at the sound of Potter's given name coming out of Draco's mouth. She stomped across the room to look up into Draco's face. "Do you really think that makes up for everything else? You just had a stupid crush that you didn't have the good sense to grow the hell out of. I'm not obliviating your bloody memories. You knew what you were doing."

"Pansy, you promised," Draco whispered. He sounded wrecked and desperate.

Pansy would much rather feel angry than sad or helpless. However, right now she was helpless and sad. She pulled Draco into her arms and leaned her head against his shoulder, "I can't fix this. You've loved him for way too long. Not even the best in the Ministry could alter memories that solid." She relaxed a bit when he put his arms around her. "I'm sorry I brought up, er, everything. I was angry. I am still angry. You are hurting and I hate it. Did he at least give you a reason why the two of you would never work?"  
With Draco's cheek against her head, she felt him shake his head in the negative. 

"Wait. Did he tell you it wouldn't work?" she asked.

Draco didn't answer.

"Draco, I'm not letting you cry into my hair so you can ignore me."

"I would give anything to hear him tell me he loves me," Draco whispered.

"And I would bet anything that you haven't told him you want to do the official romance thing. You are still so scared that he'll reject you...again. You didn't tell him, did you? You ran." Pansy paused. She pulled away from Draco enough to look into his tear-stained face. She had to force the next words from her mouth. If there were any other way to stop the hurt on Draco's face, she'd try it. Unfortunately, the only available option was,

"Maybe, you should tell him how you feel."

Immediately, she knew this was only the beginning of a long, difficult conversation.

 

* * *

 

  
**Now**

Pansy fell to her knees, her heart breaking as she admitted failure. Sure, Potter had broken the door open, but not soon enough. She had never seen this particular Baltimore Stone ritual performed. If she had to assume when it was too late, right now would be too late. The ice-cold magic pulled inside the circle of raven feathers looking like a cloud in a bottle. Right in the middle stood Draco. He didn't even flinch when the door had opened. The only person she still cared about was becoming someone, or maybe something, else as she watched. Pulling her anger around her like armor she screamed at Potter, "We're too late! Harry Potter, you did this!" 

It _was_ his fault. It was his fault because Draco loved him and Potter didn't deserve it.

Potter started forward.

"Stop! You could make it worse. We don't know what..." he wasn't listening, "Damn it you could kill us all!" 

He still wasn't listening. Potter stepped into the ring of feathers. There were movements she couldn't quite see through the smoky texture of the magic inside. Draco stumbled back as though pushed, breaking the line of feathers. 

_Oh fuck._ Pansy knew she should run. The magic wasn't contained. Whatever was going to happen could happen to anyone close enough. If she had time to think it over, she would have chosen to stay with Draco. Some courage buried deep in her heart would have allowed her to say and try to help. She did not have time. That idiot wizard threw the stone against the floor. 

Pansy saw three pieces skitter across the floor and almost immediately a sound like a tunder clap rang out through the room. The magic expanded hard and fast. The wave that hit her knocked her to the floor even from her kneeling position. She heard both men being thrown with much more force than what she'd felt. 

Pansy was overwhelmed by too many emotions in the span of a heartbeat. She looked up and saw Potter motionless in the floor. Pansy's breath caught in her throat as she ran to his side. Pansy leaned close to make sure he was breathing. She looked around for something to put under his head, something to cushion him against the wooden floor.

"Wha-" Pansy shook her head. These were not her emotions. She didn't care about this wanker. She scrambled to her feet. "Fuck you," she whispered. It didn't feel like she meant it; for good measure, she gave his leg a good kick before checking on Draco.

Draco was pulling himself to a sitting position. He looked shaken, worried, and more than a little embarrassed but otherwise okay. Pansy fell to her knees at his side and immediately took his face in her hands.

"How well did it work?" Pansy asked.

"I feel," he hesitated, "weird?"

"Are you asking me?"

"I'm confused. I feel mixed up," he said. 

When he raised his storm gray eyes to meet hers, her heart started pounding against her chest. His soft skin under her hands felt warm and his lips, had they always looked so..

"Holy fucking- Merlin's saggy sack! What fresh hell is this garbage?" Pansy stammered. Had Draco's head not been attached to his shoulders, she'd have thrown it.

She jumped to her feet and stomped over to a piece of the stone, scooped it up and grabbed a feather from the floor.

"What are you doing?" Draco asked.

"Don't talk to me!" Pansy screamed. She wanted nothing more than to pull Draco into her arms and kiss away every tear on his face. To hold him hoping he knew he was safe with her, that he could be happy with her.

She wanted to vomit. "Is this what that kind of love feels like? It's vile."

"What?" 

"Your stupid ritual scrambled us. I would imagine both of you are worse off than me," Pansy said. "I think I got more of his emotions than yours. He was closer to me when your fucking bomb went off. And now I want to sail away with you into the bloody sunset and I am between relieved and ready to scratch Potter's damned eyes out. That twat really does love you and I can't argue or deny it and- fuck! If only you'd gotten around to putting adhesive in my lipstick I'd be able to shut my fucking gob!"

With the feather and piece of the stone in her hand, she walked over to Potter's still motionless body. She muttered a few phrases of an incantation, hoping she still remembered enough of the Greek pronunciation to recreate something similar to the transfer spells she studied last year.

"What are you doing?" Draco asked. He hadn't moved. 

_Good_ , Pansy thought, _stay right over there with your questions and your- your feelings._

"Touch transfer. Remember that case we had in Greece a year or so ago? I, to be honest, am using that as a framework and making it up as I go," she said.

"You're not trying to help him? Is he ok?"

"As long as he doesn't die before I get his rubbish out of my head, I don't give a flaming phoenix shit about how he's doing." She was going to leave it at that, but his sharp inhale shook her. "I am not going to let him die. We'd both be hanged before his body went cold."

Using the raven feather as a quill, she dragged the tip against her lips picking up the deep red of her lipstick. She drew a rune on her palm and a matching rune on Potter's forearm. _Damn. This lipstick really was worth every galleon. If the package is to be believed, it could only be removed with conscious intent,_ she though, fighting to keep her mind rooted in something very definitively _Pansy_. 

The familiar crack of apparation rang out from downstairs.

She groaned, "Oh, give me a break."

__

* * *

  
Several minutes later she found herself standing in foyer of Grimmauld Place with Ginny Weasley in the middle of a very unproductive conversation. Lovegood was there as well, but Pansy often found her easy to overlook.

"He's going to be fine, but I can't tell you what happened. I need you to leave. 'Two can keep a secret' and all. It's easier if I don't get you involved," Pansy said. She spoke slowly and as softly as her nerves would allow. Negotiation was never her strong suit.

"I think we should believe her," Lovegood said in a small voice. She placed her hand on Weasley's shoulder in an attempt to calm her.

"How do we know she's not lying to us? We have no proof that Harry is okay," Weasley said.

"She hasn't called you names; no swearing. She hasn't said anything mean at all, really. She and Draco are Unspeakables. If it has something to do with their work, she might be sparing us an oath of secrecy or Obliviation," Lovegood said.

Pansy hated to admit, but Lovegood was very perceptive. Even she hadn't realized the lack of swears in her patchwork explanation. Pansy didn't know if she was more upset about Lovegood's observations or the idea that Potter's feelings for the two were influencing her interactions with them. She couldn't wait to have her head to herself again. 

"The best deal I can offer at the moment is that I can have him contact you before the end of the day assuring you of his safety and wellbeing or you can come back with a rescue party," Pansy said.

She could tell Weasley wanted to fight her. Lovegood may be the only reason Weasley hasn't hexed her yet. Pansy took a deep breath and steadied herself for what was coming next.

"Please," Pansy said. "I'm asking on behalf of Draco and myself. This is a favor for us but not at the expense of Potter's health or safety." Of course, that last bit may have been a lie. But since she wasn't sure it was a lie, she allowed herself to embrace it as complete truth. If she believed it, maybe they would.

Lovegood stepped between them. Weasley was now looking at her instead of staring daggers at Pansy. "If Harry knew we had a chance to help them stay out of trouble and chose not to, he would be disappointed. He has no problem doing difficult things to help his friends."

" _She_ ," Weasley said, pointing a finger in Pansy's direction, "is _not_ his friend."

"I just have a feeling that we should go. This is for them to work through," Lovegood said. 

Pansy took deep breaths and counted to ten in all the languages she could trying to keep her thoughts to herself. She knew if anyone was going to get the ginger out of the house, it would be the weird one. She could practically see the inner monologue going on under the freckles and didn't want to interrupt.

"Fine."

"Thank you, Gin," Lovegood said.

"Don't think I won't find you if this goes bad. Don't try to run," Weasley said to Pansy.

 _If only this is something I could run from,_ Pansy thought. "Your vote of confidence is appreciated." _and luckily unnecessary,_ she added to herself, "Shall I see you out?"

Weasely stomped out the front door before another round of arguing could begin.

"Maybe they will help you while you help them. If you leave the house, you might not be able to get back in without Harry's help," Lovegood said. She smiled at Pansy and left closing the front door behind her.

"What the hell kind of help do I need from them?" Pansy grumbled as she made her way back to one of the upstairs bedrooms. She wasn't sure if it was safe to use wand magic, but she decided it was worth the risk to clean up the embarrassment of vomiting in the hallway earlier. The Scourgify worked well enough but the magic still didn't feel quite right. It would probably be best to hold off for a little while longer. 

Draco still sat in the same spot in the floor staring at the same patch of floor. Her urge to pull him into her arms also didn't feel quite right. Physical affection wasn't a complete stranger to their friendship, but she was sure the feeling was Potters more than hers.

Pansy picked up the piece of the Baltimore Stone she left next to Potter. She placed it on the rune she traced on his arm. Muttering the same Greek incantation she started before she was interrupted, she pressed the Stone against his skin with the hand she traced with the rune. 

"Shit. Nothing's happening," she said more to herself than anyone. She gripped his arm tighter. The Stone dug into her palm sharply. She tried the incantation again in her best translation of Latin.

"Effundam as aquam-" she began.

"God! Fuck!" Pansy screamed. Pain shot up her arm and ripped through her chest. Something like fire tore through her throat and into her head as visions she knew were not her own played in the forefront of her mind too quickly to pick out any individual image. Not sure if the pain or the Stone held her in place, she was unable to let go of Harry's arm. The memories and emotions shredded their way from Pansy. The sensation was so intense, she lost focus on anything but her own body. 

When Pansy slowly came back to herself, she realized she was being restrained. Draco's arms held her to his chest. Opening her eyes, she might have laughed at the scene at any other time. Draco was sitting on Potter's chest with his knees pinning Potter's arms to the floor. She was half laying across the two of them in a tight hold. She hadn't let go of Potter's arm through the, what, ritual? Whatever she had just done.

Potter was awake now with his eyes wide and wild. 

"That better have hurt you more than it hurt me," Pansy said. She did feel a tug of compassion that definitely belonged to Draco but buried it with considerable effort. She pulled away from the two men to take inventory of any injuries. Pansy felt sore and tired. Her palm had a slight pink burn on her palm, otherwise she seemed okay. Turning to Draco, she said, "Your turn, baby-doll."

"You need a rest," said Draco.

"We don't have the luxury of time. I can modify the incantation to something a bit less, er, deliberate. As I said earlier, I received the least amount of the fallout. Fixing you two will take longer."

"Fine. I need a rest. I just restrained two adults through 15 minutes of something that could be compared to a Cruciatus. Harry's in shock, and I don't understand how you're even speaking right now," Draco said. He pulled Potter to a sitting position and wrapped him in a blanket he took from the bed.

"Don't worry about me, the visions of you sucking my non-existent cock are slowly fading from my memory, but he's got all that sinking back in right now. I'm sure it's a bit much," she said. "I guess I had the privilege of seeing everything that made it's way to my head in vivid detail before he got it back." 

Both Potter and Draco looked at her in what was likely horror.

Pansy laughed humorlessly, "You've both pulled me into a wicked amount of bullshit to start getting shy now. How about a little ice breaker? Did you know the reason Harry...fuck, Potter never came to meet you in at your office when you invited him to lunch is because he has a standing Lifetime Ban from the Department of Mysteries?"

"Why would-" Draco tried to interrupt.

"He didn't want to tell you because it's your father's fault. Partially. He and his friends trashed half the department after being lured there to retrieve a prophecy. Your lovely aunt Bellatrix got his godfather killed, Lucius threatened to kill him, and several Death Eaters tried to kill him and his friends," Pansy spoke quickly as the details started fading the more she reached for them. "Looks like all of them are banned from the Department of Mysteries, despite being there for all the most heroic reasons. Must have been hard to be punished after doing 'the right thing'. Would it really have been so hard to tell him this, Potter? You really think you deserve him? You won't even talk to him just because it's hard? You knew who his family was before you fucked him."

  
Potter just stared at her with a pained look in his green eyes. _So very green...dammit. Focus, Pansy._

"Oh, please. If you want to be angry at anyone, be angry at yourself. I told you that you would just make things worse. We don't even know if we can fix Draco."

Potter reached for Draco, not that Draco noticed. She almost felt sorry for him.

Draco asked, "What do you mean? I'm no worse off than he is."

"You're pretty calm for someone who just watched two people you love suffer indescribable pain for a notable amount of time," Pansy said. "At least he has a head injury to blame. I'm running on adrenaline and spite at this point, and here you are. It's like you are not even missing memories or emotions, like you are not guaranteed to lose both our jobs for us. It almost as though you didn't steal a nearly irreplaceable artifact that this git then smashed to the floor."

Draco frowned. 

"I have made my point," Pansy said. "Now, please, before I lose my fucking nerve let's get you out of my head before I forget how to properly hate Potter." Potter may have laughed at that, but she tried desperately to deny that they may have just shared a joke.

 

* * *

 

 

The second transfer went much the same as the first though with considerably less pain. Was this possibly because the piece of Stone used was smaller, or maybe because she didn't use badly translated incantations? By the end of it, Pansy would sell her firstborn to the pixies for the guarantee that she never had to look either of them in the face again.

"Now," Pansy said after she caught her breath, "I saw a library downstairs. I'm going to do a bit of research to see if we can make the exchange between you and Potter less likely to kill you."

"Princess, you really need to rest," Draco said.

 _Princess?_ Maybe it was not as hopeless as she thought.

"Like I said, time is a luxury we do not have," she said. Pansy started toward the library. She was barely outside the bedroom when she realized Draco was right. Pansy was unconscious before she hit the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no beta - no proofreading - we die as warriors
> 
> my story, not my characters


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to start putting the pieces back together.

After several hours in the library of Grimmauld Place, Draco knew two things for sure. First, don't use anything containing occamy eggshells when doing a memory transfer. Second, he had fucked up. If there was a hierarchy of anecdotes proving he was the drama queen Pansy insisted he was, this was the crown jewel of them all. No one could shake Draco's control quite the way Harry could.

He knew the Baltimore Stone ritual didn't work. Even if Harry and Pansy hadn't showed up, it still wouldn't have worked. There's no way he would admit that to either of them. From the moment he started, it felt like the Stone was picking through the wrong things. It seemed to be pulling memories instead of the emotions attached to them. Maybe the Stone's never worked properly, and that's why they were considered so dangerous.

The idea of being broken-hearted over that wanker again was simply unbearable. Objectively, he knew Harry cared about him in some capacity. Draco also knew that he could live without Harry. If nothing else, this hellish day gave him a moment to think. With everything the Stone did, Draco knew that he could get though it. He could let Harry go and he could be okay with it. If he was patient, he could feel this detached from Harry without the use of magic. All he had to do was forget.

Harry came into the library, "Hey. Thought you'd want to know she's awake."

Draco waited for Harry to continue. When he didn't, Draco said, "Okay?"

Harry looked at him the way a kicked puppy would.

"Fine. I'm coming," Draco said. He followed Harry into one of the usually vacant bedrooms where Pansy was sitting on a bed.

"He told me you were researching. Find any way to undo it without going through what I went through?" Pansy asked.

"I wasn't really looking," Draco admitted.

"The fuck you mean you weren't looking?" Pansy said.

"At least we know you're alright," Harry said to her. He actually looked relieved.

She gave Harry a disgusted look, "Stop acting like you know me."

"Wasn't intentional," He said. The kicked puppy look was back.

"I was looking for a way to fix the Stone. I know you and I will get sacked if you don't take it back in on Monday. It's unlikely you would claim full responsibility for it and they can tell when we lie. If we can fix the Stone, the rest of it doesn't matter," Draco said.

"Of course it bloody matters. You are acting like a zombie. You haven't even asked if I'm okay," Pansy said. She fought to keep her voice steady, though Draco could still hear it waver.

"It was your lipstick, by the way," Draco said.

Pansy's hand went to her mouth, "What?"

"The eggshell dust. It does not mix well with your methods. You should have looked for some actual ink to draw the runes," Draco said.

"Yes. That should have been my main concern," she said. "Never mind the severity of the situation, I should have searched for a damned quill."

Harry reached over to put a comforting hand on Pansy's shoulder the same way Draco had done a thousand times before. Draco saw her recoil from him.

"Don't touch me!" she shouted.

"I was just-" Harry tried to explain.

"You're not Draco! You don't get to take his place," she said.

"Look, Draco," Harry said, "it's not like I've never had someone in my head before, but you can't just let this go. I can't keep your...memories, feelings, whatever else got in."

"We have worked too hard to get where we are. If you don't undo this, we will both lose our jobs. Can you imagine what your mother's going to say?" Pansy said. Possibly realizing Draco was not concerned with any of this, she started a different course, "You said it was the eggshells that made it so bad? So we could do it the same way, but with ink or something?"

"Theoretically," Draco answered. "It's going to take a lot longer, though. I take it there's no way around this?"

"Good thing we both specialize in the theoretical," she said. "Also, no. There's no getting around this."

 

xxxxxxx

 

Harry's mind had been racing for hours. He wanted to shout himself voiceless. He wanted to burn the house down around them. He wanted to punch Draco in the face. He wanted to kiss him again. It was almost more than he could handle. Wading though thoughts of trying to comfort Pansy, wanting to be alone with Draco to deal with everything, Harry was getting lost inside his own head.

Harry and Draco were sitting side by side on the sofa waiting for Pansy to help them put things right. He kept his eyes on Pansy as much as he could. Every second of Draco's disinterest was a second of torture.

"How is your makeup still so, er, good?" Harry asked.

Pansy scowled at him.

"I mean, you've cried, puked," Pansy's face reddened when he said this, "passed out, how do you still look like that?"

"I'm a witch," Pansy said. "Hands."

Draco and Harry each held a hand toward her. She traced runes on them both before she piled the broken pieces of the Stone in Draco's hand, roughly piecing them together in the original shape. "Take his hand," she said to Harry.

Harry took Draco's hand, holding the broken Stone between their palms. With their fingers laced together, Pansy started to tie the ribbon around their hands. He didn't know if it was actual ribbon. _Where would she even find ribbon in Grimmauld? It is much more likely that she shredded a bed sheet._ Harry tried to keep his thoughts from wandering, but looking down at their tied hands, he couldn't help being reminded of wedding traditions.

 _That will never be us,_ Harry thought. Harry tried to redirect his thoughts but soon started thinking of how he loved the contrast in their skin tone. He struggled to refrain from brushing his thumb across Draco's knuckles. He wished he could allow himself to feel a tiny bit of comfort from the contact, but this was about as affectionate as holding hands with any one of the Dursleys.

Before he could fill the uncomfortable silence, the Stone pulled them both under.

  
xxxxxxxx

  
Draco took a deep breath to steady himself. _What if he was just kidding?_   Draco thought. He knocked.

Harry answered the door looking like sex on legs. He was wearing jeans. Only jeans.

"Need me to come to your rescue again?" Harry asked, toweling water out of his hair.

"Is this a bad time?" Draco asked.

"Hardly. If I knew it was you, I might not have bothered fighting my way into jeans. Kind of a bitch to get into with wet skin," Harry said.

"Do you often forget that you're a wizard?" Draco asked.

Harry laughed. "I take it you're not a fan of fluffy towels?"

"Would you believe I didn't come here to talk to you about your post-shower habits?" Draco asked.

Harry laughed again, and Merlin it was beautiful. It was still hard for Draco to believe that Harry ever smiled like that because of him.

"Is it too much to hope for that you need help out of your clothes again?" Harry asked, leaning against the door frame as though that question was the most innocent in the world.

"I guess I have forgotten how buttons work," Draco said. He was still rooted to the spot, but he could already feel the heat of Harry's skin so close to his.

"I happen to be very good at buttons," Harry said, moving even closer to Draco.

"You're going to make me ask aren't you?"

"I have no idea what you mean."

"It seems I need your help getting out of my clothes again," Draco said. He hoped Harry didn't hear the tremor in his voice.

Harry pulled Draco into his flat and kicked the door closed behind them. "Well, starting on top is a popular method," Harry said, dragging a fingertip across Draco's collarbone. He plucked the top button open. "Nothing wrong with starting on the bottom though." Harry's fingers traced down Draco's chest and stomach until he reached the bottom button, pulling it open as well.

Draco's breath caught in his throat. By the time his shirt was open he felt light headed. Harry pushed the shirt off his shoulders and let it fall away.

"I've been thinking about this for so long," Harry whispered.

 _Not as long as I have,_ Draco thought. "I have more buttons, you know." Draco said.

Harry glanced down at Draco's trousers, "Yeah?"

"I believe so," Draco said.

 

xxxxxx

 

The flash of memories ended as sharply as they began.

"Is that it?" Draco whispered.

Harry laughed beside him.

"I suppose you think this is the height of humor," Draco said. His fingers itched to be pulled free from Harry's grip, but the knots Pansy tied held tight.

"No, it's not done," Harry said still smiling. He didn't look at Draco. "I never expected you to be a nerd."

Draco blushed, both anger and embarrassment rising to his face.

"I didn't mean that as an insult. I mean, the verbal foreplay for our, er, first time. It was all metaphors and innuendo. Until you told me to put my cock in your-"

"You don't have to talk about it!" Draco shouted. "I was there! I just had a jumble of memories shoved back in my head, and yes, that was the one that was right on top."

" 's not all that was on top," Harry mumbled.

Several long seconds passed before Draco looked over at Harry.

"Are you going to sit there and pout because I didn't laugh at your stupid joke?" Draco asked.

Harry hesitated. Deciding that it was long past time to start being more open with Draco he said, "The memory of our first time was really vivid."

"Again. I'm right here. Going through the same-" Draco started.

"That's not what I'm getting at. I felt everything," Harry could stop there. He could. "Not the physical stuff. What you felt, it was like I was feeling it. I didn't," Harry didn't want to put the next bit into words, didn't want it to be true, "I didn't feel anything that I would call, er, happy."

"I wasn't," Draco said. When Harry could only stare back, Draco continued. "What? If it was all so bloody vivid, you know I was scared. Well, nervous. I don't know why you are so upset about that. You can't expect me to believe that fucking me made _you_ happy."

The words felt like a punch to the chest. Before Harry could respond, the Stone took control again.

  
xxxxxxxxxx

 

Draco took Harry's chin in his hand and tilted his face up slightly. Surprised Harry agreed to such a thing, Draco picked up the open tube of red lipstick. It was a shade or two darker than the one he briefly considered stealing from Pansy, beautifully glossy, and about to stain Potter's lips.

"Look how beautiful these lips are," Draco said. He always felt a bit silly at first, but he knew that talking dirty to Harry came more easily after the first few awkward sentences. "You are just going to let me paint this mouth any way I please?"

Harry nodded and fought a smile.

"Careful, sweetheart. You don't want me to make a mistake, do you?" Draco asked.

Harry sat still while Draco traced his mouth, the glossy red making his lips look obscenely full. Draco has had to fight the temptation to kiss Harry before. He forced himself to look up at Harry's eyes.

"Well you're just beautiful," Draco said.

Harry smiled now, "You're sure red is my color?"

"I was assured by the witch who sold it to me that this was definitely your color."

Harry's eyes widened.

"Don't worry, love," Draco laughed, "I didn't tell her it was for you. This is our secret. This is just for me."

"Anything for you," Harry whispered, leaning forward.

"Oh, sweetheart you can't mess up your beautiful lips," Draco said backing away from Harry. "If you were going to make a mess of yourself, it would have to be for something very special. Don't you think?"

Harry glanced down to Draco's lap.

 _Perfect,_ Draco thought.

"So you think it would be okay to get those painted lips all over my cock?" Draco felt his cock harden before he even finished the question.

"Bet I can make it worth it. How's that for 'something very special'?" Harry asked. He was already sliding onto his knees in the floor.

Draco stayed in his chair but parted his legs a bit more letting Harry move in close. He watched as Harry tugged at his trousers, freeing his erection. Draco was mesmerized by the way just a bit of color could make him notice everything else on Harry's face. The green of Harry's eyes nearly glowed as he looked up at Draco when he dragged his tongue flatly across the under side of Draco's cock. He was dizzy with arousal by the time Harry closed his lips around the head of his cock. Harry's lips slid like melting silk down the length of his shaft until he'd taken him completely.

Draco let out a groan and ran his hands through Harry's hair. Harry pulled back slowly, sucking all the way to the tip. He teased Draco, tracing the slit with the tip of his tongue. The smeared scarlet across Harry's face had much more of an effect on Draco than he would have imagined. He wanted to claim that mouth. Tightening his grip in Harry's hair, he pull him back down and thrust his hips up toward that open eager mouth.

  
xxxxxxxxxxxx

  
Harry was shaking. This was much more intense than watching memories in a Pensieve. He saw everything as though he was Draco. There was barely enough dissociation to keep him from feeling like he just sucked himself off, but it was still off-putting.

Draco was still and silent next to him. Draco was bracing himself for...for what?

As the subtleties of what the stone passed between them became more clear, Harry knew.

"You wanted me to say no," Harry said.

Draco didn't respond. The slight flinch Harry felt in Draco's hand was the only indication he heard him at all.

"You wanted me to say NO?!"

"Hoped."

"What the fuck, Draco, you hoped I would say no? To how much of it? Every time you asked for something?" Harry was quickly starting to panic, "Oh, god, did I ever- did we- did I ever do anything to you that- did we ever do something you didn't want?"

Harry was almost on the verge of hysterics. How could Draco let him...? His mind refused to put words to the fear running rampant through his thoughts.

"You had my full consent every time," Draco said. He sounded like he was reading it off a cue card.

"I can't," Harry said. He wasn't sure what he meant. He worried he would be sick right there in the sitting room.

"You didn't rape me. You didn't force me. You didn't do anything to me that I didn't want," Draco said.

Pansy stomped across the room and sat in the chair across from them. Harry had forgotten she was even there.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" she demanded.

Draco gave Harry a side glance.

"He's bordering catatonic, ignore him. Convince me not to walk over to that gorgeous antique fireplace, take that iron poker, and stab him in the throat," Pansy said. There was ice and anger spilling from every word. Even she didn't worry him in this moment.

"It was your idea," Draco started.

Pansy stood, looking at the fireplace tools.

"Wait. You said if I intentionally ran him off, it wouldn't hurt the same as if he left on his own. And I was worried I wouldn't be able to make myself leave. I asked him for things, fantasies. I expected one of them to cross a line and he'd go. He never did," Draco finally turned to Harry. "I wanted you to be as many of my 'firsts' as possible before whatever we had was over. I should probably admit that I started pushing those boundaries more when I started running out of time."

"If I didn't know you," Pansy said through gritted teeth, "I would say that is the stupidest fucking thing you could pull out of a puckered hole. Unfortunately, I do know you. Keep talking, preferably to each other."

Harry's vision was darkening near the edges. His face felt hot. If he didn't do something, he was going to pass out. He screamed. He lost control of his magic for no more than a second and everything that wasn't built into the room itself shook. Pictures fell from the walls, lamps and trinkets fell from tables, and even the heaviest furniture slid across the room.

"Everything I gave you was a game?" he shouted. Draco seemed to recoil as much as he was able being tied to Harry. "I gave you things I couldn't imagine giving someone else. I did things with you..."

"You've never been particularly eloquent. Maybe this should wait until-" Draco tried to say.

"No. I need to know," Harry said.

"We really don't have to do this. After today, possibly tomorrow, this whole thing," Draco motioned between the two of them, "can be done. Nothing more than a pipe dream cut short by a bloody nightmare."

"FUCK YOU BOTH!" Pansy screamed. "I am so sick of this fucking garbage. I've been watching the same stupid scene between you two idiots for the majority of my life. And let me tell you what I've learned from this shit." She pointed a finger at Harry, "You don't know what the hell is going on. Period. Ever. I don't even know how to proceed with you. And you," she turned to Draco, "are allergic to words. You are so scared he'll reject you again and too stupid to cut your damned losses and move on. Potter, Draco has been in love with you for so long that it's practically pathological. Draco, Potter needs you to tell him, in very precise words, every answer to every question he's going to ask you. He'll never work things out for himself. And-"

 

xxxxxxxxxxx

  
Draco wandered through the rooms of Grimmauld Place. He found Harry one of the smaller bedrooms laying across the bed.

"I've always found it most useful to get under the blankets," Draco said softly.

"Shit," Harry said. Sleep was heavy on his voice.

"Hello to you, too," Draco said in mock indignation.

"I'm sorry. I didn't forget I asked you to come. I guess I'm more tired than I thought," Harry said.

Draco kicked his shoes off and climbed onto the bed facing Harry. "Long couple of days?"

"Nine hour stake out amounted to nothing but a potions deal with unregulated, though not explicitly illegal, ingredients. We start the let the guy go and he drops a bag of muggle drugs. Not a tiny stash either. Intent to distribute and so on. Had to get muggle law enforcement in on it. We have a liaison now. For cases like this," Harry rambled. It looked like a struggle even keeping his eyes open.

Draco knew he should just leave and let Harry get some sleep. He couldn't make himself leave. The room smelled like Harry in a way his flat didn't. Draco wondered why Harry had the flat at all but never found occasion to ask. This room felt like it belonged to Harry. Nothing matched; multiple rugs took up the majority of the floor; the bed was too big and too soft. Draco loved it.

"It is late. You are tired. Honestly, so am I. I should go," Draco said. Maybe putting it into words would help him make his way to the door.

Harry reached out to him and pushed his fingers through his hair. Seeming to realize what he was doing, Harry's hand dropped back to the bed between them.

In response, Draco reached toward Harry slowly so not to surprise him. He pinched the bridge of Harry's glasses and pulled them free. He put the glasses on the night stand before turning back to Harry. His eyes were closed. Draco could not adequately put the longing into words if his life depended on it. He let himself imagine what it would be like to have this life, to come home to Harry at the end of the day. He thought of getting in this bed with Harry and touching him without the intention of sex, breathing in the scent of him and feeling Harry's skin against his own. He thought of being allowed to hold Harry whenever he wanted. He thought of being allowed to kiss him. Those circling thoughts kept him rooted to the bed despite every warning in his head urging him to leave.

Draco woke up to the early morning light streaming through the window. He didn't often consider which memories he would most hate losing. He had one month left. One more month to take as much as Harry would give him. Six months sounded like such a long time. It was not, and this was one he very much wished he could let himself keep. He couldn't remember the last time he woke up in someone's arms. Even then, it wasn't like this.

"Good morning, little spoon," Harry whispered. Harry's arm pulled Draco into a soft squeeze.

Draco glanced down. Harry must have gotten up during the night. They were covered with a blanket that wasn't there the night before. "Why didn't you wake me?" Draco asked.

"I did just now, yeah?" Harry said.

"You know what I meant," Draco said.

"Well, you're here. I know you don't have to work today. You want to make a bet?" Harry said.

Draco tried to turn to face Harry. Harry's hold did not loosen. "What bet?"

"I got a couple brooms and a snitch," Harry said.

"Sure," Draco said quickly.

"You don't even know what the stakes are."

"Doesn't matter. I'll win."

"Well, I will tell you anyway. You win, I'll buy us dinner from the Thai place down the street. I win, you-"

"Doesn't matter, I'm winning," Draco interrupted.

Harry did not argue. His hands were already wandering and their game of seeker-vs-seeker was forgotten until well after noon.

  
xxxxxxx

 

"If I win, you stay tonight, too," Harry said.

Draco raised an eyebrow in a silent question.

"That's what I was going to say. I even cheated trying to win," Harry admits.

They both turned to face the sound of someone standing across the room.

"That's right, bitches. I'm still here. Check out on me again, and I'll still be right here," Pansy said returning to her seat. She must have pulled the chair across the room to sit face to face.

"No offense, and I really appreciate your help and all. But do you really need to be here. This is not about you," Harry said. The Stone must be close to finished. His patience for this woman was wearing thin and he had few or now memories to pull sympathy from.

"Are you fucking kidding me?! I should be in my home, covered in glitter and champagne, smelling like two or three of my new best friends with a hangover no potion can touch. Instead, I had someone come into my home and steal an unstable artifact the Ministry assigned to me specifically. After that, someone else broke said artifact. Such an event left me with obvious and severe mental spell damage that should have been treated by a professional," Pansy was definitely not going to leave. "If I ignore all everything else, it is about me for the simple fact that my career is in three jagged pieces tied between the hands of the two most toxic and emotionally stunted people I have ever wished misfortune upon."

Draco said, "If you just told the Department I stole it."

"That isn't an option. They would come after you, Potter would be dragged into it and I would still be suspended for not having the Stone safely stored. No one was supposed to know it was even in my possession. No matter how hard you go down for this, I will be right there with you. The only way to keep all three of us out of professional shit is to fix it," She said.

"If I could," Harry started.

"If you could what? Ask Kingsley and Robards put the Unspeakables in a corner to think about the naughty things they have done? Draco would be in so much more shit. If anyone thought for even a second that he tried to hurt you or brainwash you on purpose, if the howlers didn't drive him mad within an hour, your adoring fans would drag him straight to the gates of hell."

"There's nothing we can do?" Harry asked. He glanced over at Draco. He looked broken. Earlier, he would have wanted nothing more than to pull Draco into his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay. Now, he wasn't sure anything was ever okay. Harry has spent the last several months falling in love with someone who only wanted to fuck around for a bit before throwing him away. Though, if Draco was really so detached, why did he look to be on the verge of tears? "What's the matter? Not so proud of how you played me?"

Draco flinched but did not have time to answer before Pansy cut in.

"Of course there's something you can do. It's going to suck dirty balls and require a sacrifice but when a stone is made-" she said.

"No." Harry said. Thoughts of Tom Riddle and his sacrifices to make the horcruxes filled him with disgust. How could this woman even suggest such a thing?

"Not like chickens and children. Shut up a moment and let me finish," Pansy said. "When a Stone is made, the materials are collected, a ritual is performed, and the sacrifice binds the magic with the materials forming an actual Baltimore Stone. The materials are already in your hand, after all this," she waved her hands around as if to indicate the entire situation, "the ritual shouldn't require anything more than a few spoken words, and the sacrifice is a memory."

"Princess," Draco said. His voice sounded empty. "We have seen that a memory sacrifice won't work."

"I disagree. You didn't make a Stone. You used one. Different effects. I am reasonably certain that if you both sacrificed a shared memory, you will come out the other side otherwise unscathed." She paused before sighing heavily, "It's going to have to be something big. If there is a single time in your trainwreck of a non-relationship you can scavenge, that's going to have to be it. It is going to have to be something happy and intense. I mean 'casting a Patronus' level intensity."

"After what I have been learning in the recent hours, I don't think I have anything like that left in me. Nothing we share anyway," Harry said. He felt Draco's hand trembling in his own.

 

xxxxxxxxxx

  
Draco sat in his kitchen staring at his mobile.

_leaving in a minute, call you when i'm out_

That text message came hours ago.  The call did not.  He told himself not to call Harry.

"What's one missed evening?" he asked himself aloud. "I have three more weeks."

-

  
"Come on, try it," Harry said.

"Are you sure it's safe?" Draco asked.

Harry reached over to the plate, grabbed a piece of the spicy tuna roll he made, and popped it in his mouth. "Am I dead?" he asked with his mouth full.

"Swallow it."

Harry leered at him, "You gonna let me see it first."

"The sushi. Swallow the sushi. Leave my dick out of this," Draco said. He laughed at Harry. "Where did you learn to make sushi anyway? And this doesn't count as cooking for me. I demand a do over."

"I cooked the rice," Harry argued.

-

Draco woke up from what was likely a nightmare. He usually did not remember them when he woke up any more.

Even though Harry was a floor above him, he felt him. His magic, for as long as Draco could remember, has always felt _right_. Draco knew it anywhere. Polyjuice, invisibility cloaks, hexes to the face, nothing ever hid Harry from him. He tried to explain it to Pansy when they were in school. She thought he was making it up. Draco was surprised no one else seemed to notice it. He described it as a combination of smelling someone's cologne and the sensation of heat you feel when you've been inside all day and someone walks past you after being in the sun for hours. _So, he's sweaty and smelly? That's hardly something to get worked up about. Really Draco, your basis for a school-age crush is discouraging,_ Pansy had told him.

He never talked about it again, but in the darkness of his little flat in the middle of the night...he felt it.

-

"This is the last time. This has to be the last time," Draco whispered to no one as he finds himself standing in the hallway on the third floor of his building instead of the second. He could still leave. He didn't have to do this again if only he could go back down to his flat on the second floor. _Harry might not even be home,_ he lied to himself. He knew this wasn't true because no empty flat makes that much noise on its own.

  
xxxxxxxx

  
The stone seemed to be slowing, the memories this time went through jumbled and short.

"Why couldn't you tell me," Harry said. He opened his eyes to see that Pansy was gone. He could not make himself look at Draco.

"Which part?" Draco whispered.

"Any of it. You fell in love with me; you were counting down to ending things even though we clearly love each other," Harry said. He wasn't sure if he was more hurt or angry.

"You do not love me," Draco said. He stated it like a fact.

"How could you possibly think that?"

"How could I possibly believe it? I am sure you had fun. The sex was great. The company was nice. But anything you feel for me is not real. You only think it is because I've been in your head all day. Once this is over, you will go back to normal and you will be fine."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, Harry. I do. Look, I am not saying you don't like me. There are so many other witches and wizards that could be good for you and would make you happy. It's just not me for you."

"Draco," Harry looked up at Draco. He was sitting next to Harry staring ahead but not really looking at anything. He looked more and more broken with each pull of the Stone. This only slightly dulled Harry's desire to hurt or kiss him. "You really don't think I would fall in love with the man I've been friends with for a year and making love to for half that time. You don't think I could fall in love with Unspeakable Malfoy, the ministry worker who has the most impressive work ethic in his department. You think I wouldn't fall in love with Draco the former Slytherin seeker, the only seeker who can beat me in a one on one?"

"You don't know what I do at work; no one will challenge you to a seekers' match," Draco interrupted.

"Exactly. I know you're a high ranking Unspeakable, though. No one will fly against me. You do. You aren't scared to beat me at it. You aren't scared to tell me when I'm wrong. You don't kiss my arse for every small routine accomplishment. Draco, I love that you make me earn the good things you about me. You never tell me I did well at something if you think I could have done better. You push me to be better. You can always tell when I have had a bad day. You know how I like my tea. You know my favorite movie."

"You don't have one," Draco said automatically.

"Right. And you know that," Harry continued. "You have never held my bisexuality against me or made some weird jealousy issue out of it. You never made an issue of the number of partners I had before you even though you haven't had any before."

"None of that sounds like love," Draco said. "That is only a list of facts. You can feel all of these things for a friend."

"You are my friend. I happen to be in love with my friend."

Draco shook his head slowly. His eyes were glassy with tears. "Then why did you never kiss me?"

Harry would have been less shocked if a unicorn walked through the room that very second. "You never let me!"

"You always made me ask for everything. If you asked even once, I would have been yours."

"I didn't want to pressure you or take advantage. You were never with anyone like you were with me. I thought you just weren't ready."

"I'm ready to let go. This could never work. Especially not now. This isn't 'Potter Stinks' buttons or a broken nose or a Sectumsempra or shouting mean things at you during meal times. I knew going in to this that we are a time bomb."

Harry was silent for a long moment. When he spoke, even he heard the defeat in his voice, "Why six month? What happened then?"

"Pansy. She is proficient in obiviation up to six months."

"You were going to Obliviate us away? What about me? Does it not matter how I feel?"

"Harry," Draco said. The tears in his eyes started to fall. "The things you're feeling. It is not real. You did not act like this before . When my thoughts and feelings are out, you won't feel like this. Now drop it. We need to think about this. What memory are we going to use to fix the Stone?"

"Did any of it make you happy?" Harry asked. The question must have sparked a memory; the Stone flickered to life again.

  
xxxxxxxx

  
Harry cut him off before he reached the door, still naked. He took Draco's face in his hands.

"Hey, you said before you leave..." Harry started to say. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips against Draco's cheek.

 _Oh fucking great. That's what I get for asking..._ Then Harry did the same for the other cheek. Draco waited for Harry to let go, but he didn't. They stood there inside the front door for what Draco felt was an uncomfortably long time. He felt like those green eyes could see too much. Harry could see right through him. He knew his face was perfectly blank; he'd practiced this his whole life. Even that didn't make him feel any less exposed despite the fact that he wasn't the naked one. Just when Draco didn't think he could take this standoff any longer, Harry closed the distance between them.

This was not the man that never asked him out for drinks. This was not the man that never stopped by his office at the ministry. This was not the man that never asked him to stay. The man kissing him right now was nothing Draco was prepared for. Harry, usually so quiet, was moaning against Draco's mouth. His lips were soft and eager. Harry wasn't taking, he was giving. Draco felt frozen. He had hoped Harry would kiss him before he left so he could pretend for a few seconds that maybe Harry loved him back. Right now, it wasn't difficult to pretend. It wasn't difficult at all.

"Draco? Hey." Harry whispered against his lips.

That was all it took. Draco pulled Harry close and kissed him like he didn't care how much it was going to hurt once he left. He felt Harry's tongue on his, he let Harry suck his bottom lip, he savored the sounds coming from Harry, he felt his body melt below Harry's hands as he held Draco, ran his fingers through his hair, and rubbed a thumb over his cheek. This didn't feel like pretending at all.

When Harry pulled away, Draco felt his heart break. This was it. This was goodbye. Draco would never again pretend Harry Potter was his.

  
xxxxxxxx

  
When the memory faded, the Baltimore Stone felt cold between their tied hands.

"I think that means it's finished," Draco said.

Harry steadied himself for a second before he spoke. "All that time, and you were only happy for a few seconds? When you were _imagining_ we loved each other?"

"Not the only time. Pansy said we needed the strongest," Draco said. He turned in his seat possibly looking for Pansy.

"You want to give up our only kiss?" Harry asked.

"I would be giving up my goodbye," Draco said, "and we won't truly forget it. We will remember this conversation. You will remember any time you thought about it. It's just going to be like tearing a page from a book. You'll have the context clues to put things together. However, the exact words will be lost from that book forever."

Harry could not make himself speak. With the thought of losing that kiss, it may as well have been his heart squeezed between their now aching hands.

"You'll be fine, Potter. You will forget what this feels like soon. You will be able to sort my feelings from yours and you will see it's only me."

 _Potter?_ he thought. "It has been 'only you' for a while."

If Draco understood what Harry meant, he didn't show it.

Pansy walked into the room with a strip of paper in her hand, "This should work as an incantation. Once the stone feels cold-"

"It's cold now," Harry said.

"Merlin, do you ever let anyone fucking finish? Fuck. Once the stone feels cold, speak the line, and hold the memory you are giving up. The Stone will pull the memory and it should solidify. Don't let your thoughts wander. Over feeding the stone is what puts you off your mind."

"You became an expert in Baltimore Stones all of a sudden?" Harry snapped.

"I'm the leading expert on Baltimore Stones in the fucking world you jackass! I made that one! I've been studying them since I became an Unspeakable. I know more about them than anyone. I have been rewriting the formula for the Stone for over a year and despite the fact that one was wildly mishandled you should be grateful that Draco took the one I made. Any of the earlier Stones would have killed us all," Pansy said. Her cheeks were pink and she finally looked as exhausted as Harry knew she must be.

"Why would you make something so terrible," Harry asked.

"It's terrible when misused. I don't owe you and explanation. You do owe me secrecy though. You can be obliviated of all knowledge pertaining to the Baltimore Stone or you can make an Oath of Secrecy. Once my stone is fixed, you can choose how to deal with it. If you refuse, I will put the paperwork through the ministry. I promise you, it will be swiftly handled."

Draco grabbed the slip of paper from Pansy, "We will take care of it. Would you mind stepping out while we do this?"

"Only because I am sick of the sight of you both," she said as she left the room.

"Are you sure you want to give that up?" Harry asked.  He knew he would lose the memory, too.  The kiss he had wanted for so long, the kiss that made it feel like Draco loved him back, the kiss that was everything he had hoped it would be would vanish.

Draco paused only for a second, "If nothing else, I owe it to her to fix her Stone. I owe it to you to let you go."

"There isn't any other memory we can give?" Harry asked. He was ready to beg if it meant he didn't have to lose that.

Draco shook his head, "It's the strongest and it was recent."

"Then, while I still remember everything, I want to tell you that I lo-"

"NO!" Draco shouted. He pressed his fingertips to Harry's mouth, stopping what Harry wanted to badly to say. "No. You don't love me. I love you and you can't tell the difference.

Before Harry could say anything more, Draco was reading from the paper he took from Pansy. "If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered."

The Stone flared to life in their hands, and in instant it was over. Draco picked the knots out of the ribbon to free their hands. The Stone sat in Draco's palm in one solid piece.

Draco stood. "I've caused enough shit for a lifetime. I said goodbye once. I do not have it in me to do it again. I'm going now."

  
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  
I took less than five minutes to get his things before he and Pansy were on their way out of Grimmauld Place for good. As he reached the front door, Harry ran to catch Draco by the arm.

"Here," Harry said. He thrust a small marmalade jar in Draco's hand.

"What's this?" Draco held it up to look at it. The jar held not marmalade but a small strip of wispy silver.

"You got your goodbye, even if it's gone now. That's mine," Harry said pointing to the jar, "my goodbye." He started to reach for Draco before he stopped. Harry stared for a moment more then simply walked away.

-

It was days before Draco could force himself to take the memory to a Pensieve. He wasn't very comfortable using a one even before the whole mess with the Stone.

He braced himself, poured the contents of the jar into the Pensieve and leaned in.

This was not like the memories being pulled through the stone. He was an outside observer. It was dark, but he could make out Harry's bedroom at the flat. After his eyes had a moment to adjust, Draco realized both he and Harry were in the room. The memory was from less than a week ago. This was the night that they had, for lack of a more accurate word, made love. Less than an hour before Draco turned everything into garbage.

He stood and watched for a minute before he realized Harry was awake. Harry was resting a hand on memory-Draco's chest and simply watching him.

About the time Draco started to wonder there was anything left to see he heard barely a whisper.

"You can stay," Harry said. "I wish you would stay."

Draco's chest tightened. The softness in Harry's voice was more painful to him than a jagged knife. He watched as Harry reached up to the other Draco's face and traced his fingertips over his lips.

Moving his hand back down to Draco's chest, right above his heart, Harry said, "Draco Malfoy. I love you."

 _That's what woke me up,_ Draco thought as he saw himself shoot upright in the bed.

"You leaving?" Harry asked.

The other Draco quickly slid off the end of the bed, grabbing his wand and clothes from the floor. "Don't worry, you don't have to kick me out."

 _And there I go, off to irredeemably ruin everything._ Draco thought. He moved to follow but he memory cut off in a sharp jolt. No fading to gray like memories do. This one ended in a harsh line, right where the Baltimore Stone carved out the moment Harry and Draco might have made things turn out differently.

-

Safely outside the Pensieve, Draco sat with the memory in a jar wrapped in his hands.

_Draco Malfoy, I love you._

_Draco Malfoy, I love you?_

How could that possibly be the same as goodbye?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You to everyone who stuck with me. I know there was a huge hiatus and some worries about the fic being abandoned. This is my longest fic and the first one with an actual plot. And I'm really kind of terrified posting this. 
> 
> To answer the question I know I'm going to get. Yes, this is the end of The Baltimore Stone. BUT...there is going to be a separate epilogue which will conclude the Exactly What I Want series.

**Author's Note:**

> no beta - no proofreading - we die as warriors


End file.
